spohkh: (Starfleet Logo)

Personal Log Stardate 2259.7

If I were human, I believe my response would be: 'go to hell'. If I were human.

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Created on 2012-08-12 04:08:45 (#1702622), last updated 2015-01-09 (144 weeks ago)

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Name: S'chn T'gai Spock
Fandom: Star Trek 2009
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Time Period: 2258 – Post movie; one week into the first five year mission.
Wing Color: Black
History: /

Personality: On the outside, almost everything about Spock appears stereotypically Vulcan. He is the epitome of cool, calm and collected; professional to the extreme in many ways, and he takes great care to mirror these Vulcan ideals. An example of this is seen in Spock's formal speech patterns, his great effort to remain composed during a crisis situation, and how he takes care not to demonstrate anything that could be considered favoritism towards those who are close to him. It's even found in the way he occasionally straightens his uniform when he stands.

Spock was born and raised on Vulcan, where the teachings and traditions of Surak are adhered. The main purpose of this discipline is to maintain that logic should dictate all thoughts and actions, and that emotions should be deeply repressed. In Pre-Surakian history Vulcans were ruled by emotions, and they were known to be a violent, warrior race. According to Spock's father, Sarek, emotions run deeply and strongly within Vulcans, and, in many ways, are stronger then that of Humans’. Without logic to keep them in check, Vulcans are prone to becoming dangerously aggressive.

As much as Spock tries to appear purely Vulcan, he is actually quite conflicted. Spock, with a mixed heratige, is half Vulcan and half Human; two halves that he has had a difficult time reconciling with one another. To say Spock is completely ruled and motivated by logic would be untrue; the fact it he has a very emotional need for acceptance among his Vulcan peers. However, this driving need for acceptance mostely stems from his Vulcan father, and that is what drives Spock to hide his emotions under an icy mask of logic, boardering on superiority. But he's not completely Vulcan, he's also half Human, and it is this side that occasionally surfaces. Sometimes these breaches in his façade can have dangerous consequences... for example when he nearly strangled Cadet Kirk on the bridge. Spock most likely believes that becoming emotional is not only a hindrance to his duty, but also a detriment to the people he cares about.

Spock's duality would be the main reason why he cultivated several options for himself. Acheiving Kolinahr (a Vulcan practice that purges all emotion), as well as gaining an admission into the Vulcan Science Academy (VSA) are among the highest goals a Vulcan can ever hope for, and yet Spock turned it all down for a career with Starfleet. Spock is aware that Vulcans don't typically join the military; such a move went against everything a traditional Vulcan was expected to do. The Vulcan High Council accused him of trying to satisfy his Human half’s need for rebellion. Though this accusation may have had some truth (because the council did inadvertantly insult his mother), Spock was more likely satisfying a need to find a place where both sides of himself could be tolerated, perhaps even embraced.

This is not to say that Spock shuns traditional aspects of Vulcan culture, on the contrary, as mentioned earlier, he’s very serious about following the practices and logical ways of Surak. There are even traditional Vulcan dietary practices Spock follows, such as not eating meat and never touching food with his hands. Also, despite being a military officer, Spock only resorts to fighting when he is emotionally compromised or experiencing some form of mental instability (inhebriated...). Otherwise, he considers 'brawling' a very uncultured and undignified way to handle a dispute, which is an attitude common among Vulcans. He is much more likely to deal with an enemy assailant using a quick and effiecent neck pinch.

Needless to say, it’s the satisfaction of scientific research that makes serving onboard a starship relevant to his interests. What's appealing about Spock throughout his journeys is his combination of innocence and naivete with dark, alien mysteries. Spock has a curiosity that is insatiable, and paired with a Vulcan strength he seems to never slow down nor tire of his research. He respects all life forms, and generally dislikes taking life if he believes there are other alternatives. However, this isn’t always the case, particularly in instances of a more personal nature, as seen by the way he questions Kirk’s offer to show mercy to Nero. We also see him reverse his “no-killing” attitude in The Original Series (TOS) when Captain Kirk is in danger, so his movie incarnation would probably behave similarly if people he cared about were being threatened.

His relationship with his mother, Amanda Grayson, is an important aspect of Spock’s duality. While Spock often endured harsh criticism and bullying from his peers growing up, his mother often assured him that, no matter what path he chose, she would always be proud of him. In this sense, Amanda may have been the only person in Spock’s life prior to starfleet who truly accepted him regardless of which half he chose to identify with. She meant a great deal to him, and seems to be a large factor in the motivations behind his choices. The way he declined admission into the VSA could be considered a huge example of this, as well as how upset he gets when people speak ill of her, or imply he didn’t care about her.

Her death resulted in a profound emotional break-down, with an overwhelming sense of grief, regret and anger. It’s likely he harbours guilt for not being able to express his love for her more freely; the fact she’s gone now probably doesn’t help matters much. In some ways, its Spock's Human half that may be what preserves her memory the strongest. This combined with Spock Prime’s advice to put logic aside in favor of doing what feels right may have left Spock with more of an appreciation for this Human half. He even said so himself that Earth was the only real home he had left.

Even so, his inner struggle to feel comfortable in his own skin appears to be an ongoing battle. On one hand, he seems to have learned that acknowledging his Human half isn’t such a bad thing... but on the other hand, his ties to the Vulcan people are stronger than ever due to the destruction of their planet. Spock even considered leaving Starfleet in favor of helping his people build a Vulcan colony for those that survived the devestation. Perhaps he believes that a way to find his true self lies in his developing friendship with James T. Kirk. Spock’s “future self” from the prime reality said this relationship would help define who he was. With this in mind, it’s very easy to see why he decided not to resign from Starfleet after all, instead choosing to serve as Kirk’s First Officer and Science Officer.

There are other aspects of Spock’s personality that is witnessed in the original series that hint at a more pronounced duality. For example, he’s scientific, but also displays proficiency in the arts. He gets along fairly well with animals (tribbles and cats, for example), but finds being around children awkward. He can be insensitive to the plights of others (and will admit as much if confronted about it), and yet he’s demonstrated a good bedside manner on more than one occasion. These attributes are likely present in his movie counterpart as well. Contrary to what Dr. McCoy might tell you, Spock does have a personality. It's distinct and multi-layered, and - like most of us - he'll act differently around different people. Very few get to see the "real" Spock under the Vulcan cool, and we might be just as grateful for this!

Interests (6):

art, especially terran, literature and poetry from many worlds, music, tri-dimensional chess, vulcan lute or harp and a keyboard harpsichord.
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