spohkh | Personal Log #2/Action Post - A Week After Amnesia Event

Personal Log #2/Action Post - A Week After Amnesia Event

[Spock is sitting on his bed and he stares at the journal which is currently residing on the desk across from him.

Spock had woken up this morning and knew he was alone in the house....his Captain was gone. And he knew that he had been taken... and Spock could feel that Captain Kirk was in pain...wherever he was.
Spock wondered at the futility of putting out a community-wide announcement to see if anyone had further information on Kirk's whereabouts. Spock was also rather disinclined to leave his house considering the damage he had inflicted during the bout of amnesia... he had not left the house in approximately 3.6 days. What if he had met someone he had 'assaulted'?
Spock puts his head down at that thought...he can recall his father's lectures on privacy and using telepathy on psy-null beings...these offenses were a severe violation and punishable in Vulcan society. If his home-planet still existed he would be outcast! The crimes he committed! It only proved that as a Vulcan, he was.... a poor example.

Spock abruptly gets up and starts to pace through the room. His meditation lately has left much to be desired, though it did resolve a rather significant issue. The link that he had forc...established with Mister Lupin was familial in nature and fairly easy to control. Lupin would not have to be burdened with this as long as Spock was able to keep his shields in place.
But the meditation itself? The effects from the physical contact had left Spock at mental loose ends. The memories and emotional transference...well, it left him emotionally compromised, and the nature of the contact made it rather difficult to resolve.

Spock's pacing slowed as he considered the other encounters he had...he was a disgrace... the things that happened, the beings he took advantage of... and he will never be able to look at the couch the same again.

He put his head in his hands and sat back down on the bed...there had to be a logical resolution to this...perhaps he needed, as they say, a 'change in scenery'. He looks up and glares a little at the journal. His frustration levels begin to rise once more.
.....everything....everything about Spock has been 'unraveling' since landing in Luceti. He has not felt this exposed since he was emotionally compromised on the Enterprise...and he was ashamed then too. Spock abruptly stands once more and stalks towards the desk. In a fit of anger he slams both fists down on either side of the journal... unknowingly turning it on. The wood splinters cut into his hands, but he does not feel it. The frustration has built into a blinding rage and he manages to shout in Vulcan...]

Nam-tor nash-veh sasu t’ek’kayik sut!

[Then he picks up the bed-side bureau and throws it out the window making a fantastic display of shattered glass and the deafening silence that follows the explosion of sound....

Spock stands amid the mess and just breaths...]

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[Spock considers Arsene's face for a moment, then replies...]

I am able to consume dairy products...it is merely meat that does not agree with the Vulcan digestive system.

....also, it would seem that I have no experience with 'hot-chocolate'... If it is indeed a hot beverage, I am sure it will have positive effects. [Spock murmurs the last part....] Where exactly is the location of your new place of residence?

[Spock looks out ahead of them... he feels ridiculous...how can he be finding comfort in the closeness and warmth that Arsene is giving him? Or is Spock simply taking... that must be it, he is once again taking advantage of this generous being. There is this...blackness inside of him that he cannot define...is it loneliness? Whatever it is, it seems to be swallowing him whole. All the years of putting everything he had into be a perfect Vulcan has become undone....]

It's hot. [stated like it was just an incidental detail] and the milk makes it so much easier to melt it...

[He glanced up at Spock, curious about what he must have been thinking. It wasn't his place to pry, but eventually Lupin would find out... but this empty tone was more important.]

Community House 1, third level. No worries about steps, because someone had the lovely idea of installing an elevator. Unfortunately, it's neon green.

...we have a spare bedroom, if that's what you're worried about. There's a bath, and a communal kitchen down the hall.

[Spock nods his agreement in response to Arsene's information...

They were nearing the appropriate building, and Spock had an odd wave of nervousness... was he expected to share his feelings? Though...he supposed he owed an explanation to this man. Lupin had done so much for him...

They make their way into the building and Spock presses the button for the elevator...when the door opens Spock's eyebrows raise... Arsene's description was apt it seems. The elevator was indeed neon green.

Spock looks at the floor buttons and then to Lupin, of whom he still has a grip on...

[He pushed the button that would take them to the third floor and let himself relax as the doors shut and they started to travel upward. Spock's continued silence and continued grip were troubling, but Lupin let it slide. Instead:]

What was it that you said back there? It wasn't translated.

[Spock stiffened and a green blush coated his face...]

It..it roughly translates to...'why must I be so full of sorrow'...the translation into standard is unclear. The Vulcan word for 'sorrow' encompasses much...including 'ache' or 'feelings'. There are several concept words that leaves learning the Vulcan language rather difficult...

[When the elevator 'pinged' and the door opened Spock dropped his grip and clasped his hands behind his back once more....gesturing for Lupin to lead the way...]

[It ran far deeper than the exclamation of anger that Lupin had anticipated. He kept his tone mild and strayed onto a related topic when he saw Spock shift back into the appearance of being a classically academic Vulcan. With a subtle nod, he led the way.]

That sounds a little like Japanese, with words like mizu and oyu both meaning 'water', but one referring to cold water and the other referring to hot. Like that, the Greek language has four different words for love...

[Their apartment was just down the hall, and quickly reached. Lupin guided Spock inside and locked the door behind them. Fujiko would find a way in, and wouldn't be satisfied with the door until she added several more locks to it. She was out for the moment.

Their belongings were scattered and disorganized, but the sparce furnishings that were provided would be enough for the moment. There were three bedrooms, a bathroom, and a reasonably sized living room. Wilhelmina loomed in the far corner of the living room, but she was a benign presence.]

Welcome to our humble abode, Spock. [He flopped onto the sofa, wondering idly who he could bribe to help him move his zebra print sofa to their apartment...]

Make yourself comfortable. We have a spare room at the end of the hall, or you can just sit here with me for a minute. Or five. [Because the fatigue of his rush and precarious balancing act had caught up with him.] Don't mind Wilhelmina, she won't bite...

[He was himself rambling.]

You're safe here. We can make hot chocolate soon.

[Spock's curiosity wins as he takes a quick glance around the room before complying. His eyes stray on the giant octopus for a moment before taking a seat on the opposite end of the sofa.]

I am amenable to the suggestion of hot chocolate...though please, rest awhile, you are in need of it. [Spock's gaze wonders again...]

Your living quarters are rather...interesting. And I...thank thee once more for the use of your spare room. [Spock flexes his hands and makes himself comfortable on the couch...it would seem that he is more fatigued than he originally thought.

And there is another twinge of something in his battered mind from his Captain. He was in distress and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. This, as they say, struck a little too close to home. Now that he was ripped bare of all his mental shields, flashes of his mother's death keep reeling through his mind... all the broken family bonds he shared...the deep rooted bond that he had with his home planet...all there and bleeding once more. Perhaps they were never healed...

Spock knew that the surviving Vulcans were having a rather difficult time rebuilding mental stability... all the bonds lost between mates has, in some cases, ended in death. Some have even been driven to insanity...

Spock abruptly gets off the couch and starts to pace across the room... he cannot relax...he must not go to sleep.]

[Spock's agitation was again palpable in the air--Lupin would have noticed it even if he hadn't seen Spock's face or watched him suddenly jump and pace around his small room. For all of the delicacy and care that Spock had placed on their accidental link...he felt nothing. The Vulcan's control was impressive even in his frustration.]

...You know, [he steepled his fingers and bowed his head to avoid watching Spock pace and risk his vertigo kicking up again,] you don't have to try so hard. Our...accident. You don't have to try so hard to contain it. [He took a deep breath, fully aware of what exactly he was opening himself up to.] I need to learn to manage my end anyway. What's better than trial by fire?

[That makes Spock stop his pacing... accident? Of course...that is what it was... but it is such a beautiful thing when realized to its full potential. But as to what Lupin was asking?

Spock steps nearer to the couch and takes a seat beside Arsene...]

I will slowly lower my shields...[Spock gives him an almost sadistic half-smile...] ...say when.

[Spock keeps an eye on Arsene while he starts to slowly let go of the shields protecting their bond. He lets it slowly build.....]

Shoot.

[It was said automatically, knowing that a delay would give him a chance to think and think and think. That smile was almost frightfully grim, but he recognized the sentiment as one of his own; do or die. He only described their link as an accident because he simply didn't know what it was, or how else to describe it. Like the odd gleam that flickered in Spock's eyes, it was completely foreign.

He consciously slowed his breathing when he noticed the floodgates open and felt the agitation, the despair, the utterly bleak sense of foreboding and the pain. Lupin tore his gaze away when his focus wavered and his vision swam. His breath hitched under the weight of the terrible darkness that Spock was carrying.

...It was too big for one man.]

[Spock eased back as soon as he saw Lupin struggling...

He leaned forward on the couch and put his head in his hands...]

My apologies... My current condition would usually require the talent of a Vulcan a mind-healer...though even if Vulcan still existed, being here makes that an impossibility. I am at a loss for what to do. Meditation seems rather difficult at the moment.

[Lupin slumped backwards against the cushions and squeezed his eyes shut, fed up with fighting the flood for once. A rest was needed. He would be fine after a while.

After a heavy moment of hesitation he reached out and laid a hand on Spock's shoulder. A quick squeeze followed in a show of support and understanding before he found his voice--the reasonable facsimile that Spock had helped him attain.]

...you know? Maybe you should stop fighting it.

[That itself had been his own downfall in recent weeks and months. He had been fighting against the worries of his friends, his own pulsing energy, and his fate. Funny, how this situation was making him realize that.]

We are totally taking a trip up to the mountains soon. No arguments.

[The stillness in the air is heavy before Spock answers, the hesitation clear and his voice muffled by his hands.]

But I am afraid of what might happen if I let go...and this time my father is not around to stop me.

[There is another pause and Spock collects himself once more and stands.]

I shall go to the communal kitchen to get us this 'hot chocolate'...I have basic knowledge of how it is put together...please stay here and rest for a moment...rather, allow me this time to collect myself.

[And with that Spock turns to leave.]

[There was no way he could argue or attempt to follow Spock at that point. The open admission of his fear and uncertainty, the humble request to allow him space and the unspoken promise to come back was enough for Lupin to place a manner of faith in him. Lupin nodded, understanding this from observing his own friends back home. Space was a necessity sometimes.]

Go ahead, take your time. Take as much as you need...I'm not going anywhere.

[Spock nods and leaves the room.
He finds himself wandering down the hall but he eventually comes to what should be the community kitchen. He looks through the cupboards until he finds the can of hot-chocolate and looked to the instructions...boil milk? He can do that.

Spock sets himself to making the hot beverage, and while he is stirring he cannot help but get lost in thought. How much should he reveal to Lupin? His friend was asking him to let go...but how can he do that and still expect to...well, no matter. It was entirely up to Arsene and Spock knew that the man was not medically sound...they needed to help each other it seemed.

Spock breathed and regained some of his lost composure from before. He felt confident that no more episodes would happen this evening.]

[After a time Spock returns to the room with two large mugs and a thermos full of hot-chocolate on a tray. He places it on the coffee table in front of Arsene...and comments..]
This beverage smells most curious...

That's the chocolate. Have you ever had it?

[Lupin glanced up from the idle wanderings of his thoughts and smirked in amusement around his cigarette. It was unlit, and likely would remain so for the moment. His lighter, a zippo that was given to him on his first night inside of the bubble, was the only think that stilled his restless hands.

Spock seemed better than when he had left the room, which Lupin saw as a good thing. For now. He sat up and stretched his shoulders before he pointed at the nearby coffee table.]

Set everything down there. We can sit and chat...or whatever you'd like. Feeling any better?

Edited 2012-10-10 18:15 (UTC)

Negative, I have no experience with chocolate. Though I find I am curious to try....
[Spock placed the tray on the coffee table and took his seat next to Lupin once more.
He handed Arsene his mug and took his own into his grip...the heat was rather pleasing. Spock closed his eyes in obvious pleasure for a moment then took a small sip...]

....Fascinating. It is a rather pleasing texture.

[Spock has a half-smile on his face as he takes a longer sip....]
What would you like converse about it?

[The apparent calm that Spock held himself with was more than enough to assure Lupin of his well being. For now, they could enjoy the comfort of warm drinks and a comfortable, if untidy, apartment. Lupin took a deep sip from his own mug and huffed in amusement at Spock's childish commentary. Again, he was surprised.]

That would be the chocolate. It's sweet, but not too much...it's a pity that we don't have whipped cream for this.

[That would make a simple drink absolutely decadent.]

We can talk about anything you want. If you want to talk about what's on your mind, go ahead. It you'd prefer to talk about cake, we can do that too.

[Spock takes another drink and visibly relaxes against the couch, the half-smile still on his face.]

It would be illogical to speak of confectionery at this time.... there is simply no need. [Spock's voice reveals a hint of teasing.]

Regarding my mind... there is nothing there that holds outward interest. [Spock takes another gulp of his hot drink...making a small humming sound with pleasure.]

[Lupin huffed at the joke, amused. It was a rare thing to be on the wrong side of a Vulcan's jokes...

However, there had been comments from Spock's end that left him curious enough to wonder about what Spock had meant of their first meeting. Being familiar with alternate realities, at that time, meant to Lupin that Spock had been through a few adventures on the Enterprise's five year mission, but the comments about the planet Vulcan called a different set of questions to mind.]

Tell me a little bit about yourself, then. We've seen each other, but we haven't really shared that much about ourselves.

This is true...though to use a human idiom, it feel as though we have known each other for year. Though that is the nature of sharing stressful situations with another.

[Spock finishes his current mug of chocolate and pours himself another. Then he leans back on the couch, head back but turned towards Lupin with an odd look on his face...]

Are you sure you want he hear about me? It's not that amusing. I heard Vulcans can be quite boring.

Brothers by fire, right?

[He lifted his mug in a toast and took a deep draught from it. It was like his partners...and what he had hoped certain people in Luceti had become. Lupin drank from his mug again in an attempt displace his worries and focus on them later, at a better time.

Instead he watched Spock pour himself a second drink with the lazy smile of a cat. It was almost cute.

Almost.]

You're too smart and too curious to be anything but interesting. Remember, I've been in your head.

[He laughed at his own joke, tickled by the very idea of throwing Spock's joke right back at him.]

[Spock huffs out his own laugh and clinks his mug against Arsene's before taking another swallow.

He gives a little rumble of pleasure before murmuring...]

Sa-Kai....brother. Indeed, that is what we are. [Spock even nods in emphasis... but sloshes a bit of his chocolate. He looks at it for a moment then takes another drink.]

I am honoured that you think of me as such... I feel the same way. I am also flattered that you find me interesting. [Spock blinks at Lupin] I find you Fascinating.

You find me fascinating, do you?

[But there was relaxation and then there was behavior that was completely unanticipated. Lupin peered into his cup, mind a whirl with other questions, before he just settled deeper into the cushions and relaxed.

Lupin would keep an eye on Spock's behavior, both to monitor the outward state of his compromised shields as much as how his emotional tumult would evolve as he relaxed.]

Why wouldn't I find you interesting? I mean, you joined Starfleet and ascended through the ranks quickly until you became First Officer on their flagship, all the while honing your musical talents and becoming an accomplished scientist as well.

[It was a game of musical pings. Lupin was curious to see what aberrations that Spock would notice between their conversations and Lupin's outside knowledge.]

[....what? Spock creased his forehead... he had never once mentioned his musical ability to Arsene... and he had hardly discussed his career, but the rest could be safely assumed.]

I am curious as to where you got your information regarding my musical ability. You said that I was an icon in your universe... perhaps you would like to expand?

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Vyc actually linked me to the Squid post before I came to Luceti....so I knew ya before I knew ya!

rofl, i love finding my stalkers!

~heeee. I love knowing now that that was you! XD

XD

o/ all the breakage!

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oh boy! There might be nothing left by the end of the night! You ready? lawl!!!!

this will be fun!

As long as you're ready to deal! XDDD

I can~

-^_^-

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