Personal Log #2/Action Post - A Week After Amnesia Event

[spohkh]

[Spock is sitting on his bed and he stares at the journal which is currently residing on the desk across from him.

Spock had woken up this morning and knew he was alone in the house....his Captain was gone. And he knew that he had been taken... and Spock could feel that Captain Kirk was in pain...wherever he was.
Spock wondered at the futility of putting out a community-wide announcement to see if anyone had further information on Kirk's whereabouts. Spock was also rather disinclined to leave his house considering the damage he had inflicted during the bout of amnesia... he had not left the house in approximately 3.6 days. What if he had met someone he had 'assaulted'?
Spock puts his head down at that thought...he can recall his father's lectures on privacy and using telepathy on psy-null beings...these offenses were a severe violation and punishable in Vulcan society. If his home-planet still existed he would be outcast! The crimes he committed! It only proved that as a Vulcan, he was.... a poor example.

Spock abruptly gets up and starts to pace through the room. His meditation lately has left much to be desired, though it did resolve a rather significant issue. The link that he had forc...established with Mister Lupin was familial in nature and fairly easy to control. Lupin would not have to be burdened with this as long as Spock was able to keep his shields in place.
But the meditation itself? The effects from the physical contact had left Spock at mental loose ends. The memories and emotional transference...well, it left him emotionally compromised, and the nature of the contact made it rather difficult to resolve.

Spock's pacing slowed as he considered the other encounters he had...he was a disgrace... the things that happened, the beings he took advantage of... and he will never be able to look at the couch the same again.

He put his head in his hands and sat back down on the bed...there had to be a logical resolution to this...perhaps he needed, as they say, a 'change in scenery'. He looks up and glares a little at the journal. His frustration levels begin to rise once more.
.....everything....everything about Spock has been 'unraveling' since landing in Luceti. He has not felt this exposed since he was emotionally compromised on the Enterprise...and he was ashamed then too. Spock abruptly stands once more and stalks towards the desk. In a fit of anger he slams both fists down on either side of the journal... unknowingly turning it on. The wood splinters cut into his hands, but he does not feel it. The frustration has built into a blinding rage and he manages to shout in Vulcan...]

Nam-tor nash-veh sasu t’ek’kayik sut!

[Then he picks up the bed-side bureau and throws it out the window making a fantastic display of shattered glass and the deafening silence that follows the explosion of sound....

Spock stands amid the mess and just breaths...]

Comments

[complicatedliar]

[Loki points toward Spock's hands.]

Nor decide to refinish their kitchen at a moment's notice, I should think.

[spohkh]

[....Spock seems to have difficulty answering....but does not look at Loki or unhand the counter.]

....It would seem.... that I am rather...compromised.

[complicatedliar]

It would seem you are in need of a nice cup of tea and a bit of deep breathing.

[spohkh]

[Spock slams his fists into the counter.]
I DO NOT WANT TEA!

[Spock looks shocked at what he just did and sinks down to take a seat once more on the floor. He puts his head in his hands and replies...]

My...apologies Loki.... It would be best if you left me here.

[complicatedliar]

[Loki stays where he is.]

Want and need are two very different things, Spock. You seem most out of temper.

And we shall have to disagree on that point.

[spohkh]

[Spock takes his fists away from the counter, leaving a wet green stain behind.

They come to rest by his sides, and he has still not turned to face Loki.]

...Then I shall have to remove myself.

[Spock moves towards the back door of the kitchen.]

[complicatedliar]

[Loki sighs.]

It is not for me to force you to speak, but you may want to consider that you are now bleeding. You are not all right.

haha! Whoops! I didn't realize my following action didn't flow properly! sorry about that! >_<

[spohkh]

[Spock stops and inspects his hands...]

I..I believe you are correct.

[He turns to face Loki...]

I...my head. It hurts. I do not know what to do.

[complicatedliar]

[Loki nods. He is calm and utterly unruffled.]

Please, start by sitting. And then we shall see what might be done about your head. And your hands.

[He takes the liberty of looking around the kitchen and fills a glass with water for Spock.]

[spohkh]

[Spock...does what he is told and sits at the kitchen counter waiting for Loki.

He felt... awful. How could he have disgraced himself like this? Spock put his head down and idly started picking glass and little shards of wood from his hands.]

[complicatedliar]

[Loki sets the glass of water down next to Spock, and then holds out your hands.]

Hands first. Far simpler than the head.

[spohkh]

[Spock merely nods and holds his hands steady while Loki tends to them. He realizes that he has only met the man once and that was during the Shift... He had no idea who he actually was. Spock's curiosity got the better of him, and in a hallow voice asked...]

....Who are you?

[complicatedliar]

[Loki rests his hands lightly under Spock's, supporting them. He bows his head over his work, and the bits of wood and glass, particles of dirt begin removing themselves fromt he vulcan's flesh.]

As I was during the shift, I remain Loki.

[spohkh]

[Spock puts his head down as he nods in acknowledgement.

Spock sends a strong feeling of gratitude through the 'barely-there' contact with his hands hoping that it would be picked up by Loki.

Spock feels as though he cannot talk at the moment....]

[complicatedliar]

[That actually startles Loki a little. There's a slight pause in the movement of particles, then he gives his head a little shake and continues on.

Satisfied after a minute, he nods.]

And now, Spock, what might be troubling about your head? It seems to be in the right position at least.

[spohkh]

I...

[Spock does not know what to say...there was an abyss in his head where there was once several stabilizing familial bonds. The recent shift has truly broken his Vulcan mind...]

[Spock looks up into Loki's face, his eyes dark and over-bright... ]

...they are gone.

[complicatedliar]

I'm afraid you will need to be more specific than that.

[spohkh]

[Spock breaths for a moment..]

How well a Vulcan mind functions depends on the bonds that were created since birth.
My own bonds... they were recently ripped from my mind. While trying to stabilize my mental state to the new conditions, the Shift interrupted the process...
Without my memories I have violated the minds of several people...some with a more permanent effect than others. And now... [Spock looks at his hands... it would seem that he cannot stop the tremble...]
..now I am... exposed.

[complicatedliar]

I think you should not judge yourself harshly over what occurred during the shift. I certainly did many things that make me wish to bury myself up to the neck in sand, but that changes none of it. We were none of us in our right minds.

[He's still trying to tell himself that, convince himself that none of it mattered at all. It's being very stubborn about leaving his present thoughts, however, and it's frustrating and upsetting.

That feeling of vulnerability, he can empathize with; Loki expends a great deal of energy to avoid such things. There is that, even as he considers how this situation might work to his advantage. It is an automatic reaction on his part.

His own emotional reactions make his responses more genuine.]

That is a... difficult thing indeed, Spock. So you must begin the process anew?

[spohkh]

[Spock shakes his head slightly... even now the physical proximity with Loki is causing his mind to call out for connection. He tries his best to not lean forward...he was a veritable mess.]

N-not exactly. The foundations have been shattered... it is a matter of regaining stability. This would usually necessitate the aid of a Vulcan healer... I am at a loss for what to do.

[complicatedliar]

And that is not a thing forthcoming. Have you tried to speak to any of the healers in this village? As far as I know, they specialize in bodies rather than minds, but perhaps one has more specialized skills.

[He tilts his head.]

If foundations are broken, new ones must be built.

[spohkh]

[Spock looks up at Loki...his eyes overbright....]

I do not know how..I....

[Spock puts his head down again shaking his head... He wanted badly to be alone. He was Vulcan, not this weak being that could not handle the situation...]

[complicatedliar]

Begin from first principles.

[Loki watches Spock calmly.]

[spohkh]

....Will you help me?

[complicatedliar]

[Loki tilts his head.]

That really depends upon what sort of help you require.