spohkh | Personal Log #2/Action Post - A Week After Amnesia Event

Personal Log #2/Action Post - A Week After Amnesia Event

[Spock is sitting on his bed and he stares at the journal which is currently residing on the desk across from him.

Spock had woken up this morning and knew he was alone in the house....his Captain was gone. And he knew that he had been taken... and Spock could feel that Captain Kirk was in pain...wherever he was.
Spock wondered at the futility of putting out a community-wide announcement to see if anyone had further information on Kirk's whereabouts. Spock was also rather disinclined to leave his house considering the damage he had inflicted during the bout of amnesia... he had not left the house in approximately 3.6 days. What if he had met someone he had 'assaulted'?
Spock puts his head down at that thought...he can recall his father's lectures on privacy and using telepathy on psy-null beings...these offenses were a severe violation and punishable in Vulcan society. If his home-planet still existed he would be outcast! The crimes he committed! It only proved that as a Vulcan, he was.... a poor example.

Spock abruptly gets up and starts to pace through the room. His meditation lately has left much to be desired, though it did resolve a rather significant issue. The link that he had forc...established with Mister Lupin was familial in nature and fairly easy to control. Lupin would not have to be burdened with this as long as Spock was able to keep his shields in place.
But the meditation itself? The effects from the physical contact had left Spock at mental loose ends. The memories and emotional transference...well, it left him emotionally compromised, and the nature of the contact made it rather difficult to resolve.

Spock's pacing slowed as he considered the other encounters he had...he was a disgrace... the things that happened, the beings he took advantage of... and he will never be able to look at the couch the same again.

He put his head in his hands and sat back down on the bed...there had to be a logical resolution to this...perhaps he needed, as they say, a 'change in scenery'. He looks up and glares a little at the journal. His frustration levels begin to rise once more.
.....everything....everything about Spock has been 'unraveling' since landing in Luceti. He has not felt this exposed since he was emotionally compromised on the Enterprise...and he was ashamed then too. Spock abruptly stands once more and stalks towards the desk. In a fit of anger he slams both fists down on either side of the journal... unknowingly turning it on. The wood splinters cut into his hands, but he does not feel it. The frustration has built into a blinding rage and he manages to shout in Vulcan...]

Nam-tor nash-veh sasu t’ek’kayik sut!

[Then he picks up the bed-side bureau and throws it out the window making a fantastic display of shattered glass and the deafening silence that follows the explosion of sound....

Spock stands amid the mess and just breaths...]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Mister Spock, I'm afraid you sound a little less than convincing. Do you need some help? I'm willing to talk, and we can sort things out. Please, let me help you.

[Help him? Spock was amazed at the Jedi's generosity... Spock closes his eyes and caves, it was obvious that he could not do this alone.

Spock activates the video feed.]

Very well...are you able to at this time to meet me at my place of residence? I may need assistance with my hands...

[The video reveals Spock with green on his forehead and through his hair. There is what looks to be bits of debris on his uniform and his hands....well, they are covered in that same green substance.]

Yes, yes of course.

[Luke is already out the door, heading towards Spock's signature in the Force. This looked bad, and while he had no idea what the green was, he had a guess. Non-human sapients didn't always have red blood...]

...Thank you. I will await your arrival...

[Spock distractedly collects a broom and starts to clean up the mess regardless of the condition of his hands....]

[Moments later Luke knocks on Spock's door and calls out]

Spock?

[The door opens and Spock is there, gesturing for Mister Skywalker to enter....]

[Luke steps in and gives the Vulcan a worried glance]

Mister Spock, is that...blood?

[Spock raises an eyebrow and regards his hands as if noticing them for the first time....]

...yes. It appears that I have injured myself....

Let me help.

[Luke moves closer and reaches out a hand to lightly touch Spock's arm, the soft blue light of Nala the Filial spirit of healing flooding their senses]

What happened? What's got you so upset?

[That...is an odd sensation. He stared as his hands seemed to heal themselves...
It must be the result of that blue light.

Spock turns to address Mister Skywalker.]

.....I am a disgrace to the Vulcan way of life... I have violated the minds of several psy-null beings, causing permanent harm in some cases. My compromised state has left me volatile an unpredictable, I am no longer safe to be around.

...I should leave this place.

[Luke's eyes shift to meet Spock's, a worried look following. What had happened?]

It was a result of the shift, wasn't it? You didn't have your memories did you?

[It always was]

Spock, tell me what happened.

[Spock tenses... did he trust Skywalker?

Yes, he did. But did he have it in him to explain everything that has happened?

Well... Spock's shoulders relax in a sign of defeat and gestures them towards the kitchen.]

As they say, this might be 'a long story'... perhaps some tea would be beneficial?

Yes, I'll make some. You sit and rest your hand. I healed it but if you use it too much for a little bit, it'll come undone.

[Luke heads into the kitchen and puts on water. Not taking no for an answer]

[Spock looks confused at first, but complies with Mister Skywalker's suggestion....He takes a seat at the kitchen table.]

My thanks.

As to the events leading to this point.... It would seem that I have lost emotional control. The lack of memories made it so that my mental barriers were non-existent. Everyone I had physical contact with has made an impact... some more grave than others...

[Luke listens patiently, nodding over his shoulder]

You lost your memories, and didn't know you could psychically link with other individuals. Is that right?

I...yes. That is correct. [Spock's hands fidget on the table...]

And though I realize it is illogical to place blame on myself due to the circumstances... I cannot help but feel tremendous responsibility to the consequences of my actions.

....and in the interim I have been stripped of everything that means to be Vulcan....

I don't really know what it means to be a Vulcan, but if there's some manner of psychic trauma afflicted on individuals, or yourself, I can assuredly help with that.

[The tea kettle whistles, so Luke takes a minute to pour two cups of hot, black tea]

[Spock quirks and eyebrow at that... Curious.]

I do not mean to sound skeptical, but what manner of help to you expect to provide?

The Force can allow me to help alleviate psychic pressure on the mind. It lets me open or close pathways caused by outside influences, and all it really takes is a night's rest, and a few days or weeks of such therapy.

[He doesn't say that it doesn't always work, but it definitely makes it hurt less]

[Spock takes his tea with a nod of thanks and eyes the Jedi...]

...there may have to be some alterations due to my Vulcan heritage... though it was always apart of our society to strengthen bonds and mental activity by meditating as a community.

I am....amenable to your suggestion.

[Spock is quiet for a moment, then takes a drink of tea....]

Perhaps. I'll know when I try, but it works the same on all sapient species in my galaxy.

Can you describe the symptoms of your trouble? What is making you lash out, and what sorts of impressions are in your mind?

[Spock does not know how much he wants to share with the Jedi... His Captain's pain coupled with his absent barriers have made his realize the extent of the damage caused by Vulcan's destruction... and his father was not here to help him this time.
It also brings up the issue that his 'problems' may be more psychological than he care to admit....everything was leaving him....no matter how hard he tried.]

I am unsure how to explain...though if you are sure you can protect yourself from my mental state, perhaps I can show you?

[Spock did not know how wise this suggestion was, considering all that has happened to his mind since the latest 'Shift'...however...there was something about these Jedi that implied something similar to Vulcan...]

I can protect myself, yes.

[Luke takes a drink from his teacup and takes a seat near Spock]

Please do.

[Spock takes a deep breath and finally nods...]

Please inform me if you need to stop...

[Spock lifts his hand to Luke's face and places his fingers in the appropriate psy points.]

My mind to your mind....

My thoughts to your thoughts....

[Spock plunges them both into the plains of Spock's mind...and Luke finds himself in a desert covered in pieces of glass and broken mirrors.]

[Luke closes his eyes and looks around him with the Force, creating a barrier to prevent Spock from prying too deeply into his mind before doing anything else. It was better that way, to prevent further damage, not that he didn't trust the Vulcan.]

Broken mirrors? Do these symbolize damaged relationships, or mental pathways?

Or something else entirely?

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